Guy-girl friendships. What’s the big deal? This is the 21st century; we can be friends with whoever we like.
Absolutely true.
But what I want to talk about is being “best friends” with a guy. I’m just going to go ahead and say it. I don’t believe a girl can stay best friends with a guy.
Wait, what?
Before you come after me with pitchforks and torches, maybe I should clarify: I don’t believe guys and girls can be best friends without one (or both) of them feeling something more.
“But Nancy,” you might say, “the guy I’m bffs with is ugly. We’d never date in 1,000,000 years.”
Or “That’s stupid. I have a boyfriend already.”
Alright, let’s break it down. God created female for male in the beginning and put a natural attraction in them for the opposite sex. (Let me establish that I’m talking about straight people in this blog post; we may address other attractions in another post.) Our natural, God-given desire is for the opposite sex, and while that doesn’t mean that we’re going to throw ourselves onto every single guy that crosses our path, it does mean that there is the distinct possibility that an attraction will form.
Yes, there are definitely guys who are not going to attract you in any shape or form. But if you open up to someone and share your dreams and hopes and desires, you become vulnerable, which will bring out those emotions you didn’t think you had around him. The heart is tricky and can take you in all different directions.
“But Nancy. This guy is hideous. I will NEVER like him like that.”
Okay. Maybe you won’t. But what about him? Are you both too hideous to be liked? I think guys are almost more known for being friendzoned than girls are. Just because you feel like you can be completely yourself with him without getting feelings involved doesn’t mean that he can do the same thing. And friendship isn’t something selfish. We need to think of the other person.
“Okay, well, we’re both dating someone else. We’d never look at each other in that way.”
Just the fact that you think you can be best friends with a guy over your boyfriend disturbs me. Why do you think boyfriends get jealous when their girlfriends hang out with other guys? If you’d rather spend time with another guy, you should probably stop dating the guy you’re with. How many movies have you seen where the girl leaves the hot, boring guy she’s with for the more likeable, average guy? It happens. Sooner or later, one of you is going to develop feelings for the other, and it’ll make things so messy when you’re in a relationship.
“So what are you telling me? I can’t even talk to other guys now?”
Of course you can. I only wanted to show you the way it is before you go around breaking hearts. If you do love spending time with a guy, great. I would decide, though, if I could ever see myself dating him, and if the answer is yes, I’d keep going in that direction. But if not, I’d think about taking a step back and treating him more like any other friend. Because you don’t want to hurt your best friend. Nobody likes being in the friendzone, and once the feelings become one-sided, the friendship will never be the same again.
Be friends with a lot of guys. But make sure you have those boundaries there that let the guy know that you’re not interested in him like that. Be best friends with other girls or with your boyfriend instead.
Friendships, like any other relationships, should have mutual respect. We should care about the feelings of our friends. It’s hard, yes, and the world has conditioned us to do what’s easy and good for us. But we should see each other with God’s love, a love that’s sacrificial and puts others first.
“So what do I do if I’ve come too far? He might have feelings for me already.”
Stay tuned for my next post about what to do when you’re trying to put someone in the friendzone. It might even be a harder post to swallow than this one, but it’s so, so important.
Let me say I love you and am praying for you. I know life is hard, but you can do it. God is on your side. Let me know if you have any other questions!