It's been a hard week... month... year. It seems like my schedule fluctuates constantly, and I just can't keep up with everything I want to, need to do. I often get in my own head and feel defeated, like I'm letting everyone down.
Have you ever felt like that?
Do you feel like that right now?
It's easy, natural to feel that God doesn't approve when you aren't living up to your own expectations. That He's judging or punishing you. You compare Him to yourself or your parents who you seem to disappoint all the time. Why would God love someone who constantly messes up?
Believe me, I understand. I still fall into the trap of thinking I've somehow let God down, like He was counting on me to be perfect and on top of things 24/7. Like He's surprised by my failure. Like He gets upset when I miss my devotion time with Him or sleep through my alarm or don't have a clean house.
But God isn't human. You can't surprise Him. He isn't going to yell at you when you drop the ball. He won't give up on you just because you let Him down dozens of times.
That isn't to say He won't get involved. He disciplines His children because He loves them. He brings hard things into their lives to teach and grow them.
And He really does want you to spend time with Him. But He won't love you any less no matter how what you do. He won't leave you like other people might have done in your past. And He definitely won't call you all those things you call yourself in your head (failure, stupid, worthless... any of those sound familiar?)
God is faithful. Even when you're not.
His faithfulness may even shine through brighter when you're not.
He will always love you. He will always welcome you back to Himself. He will always listen. He will always provide for you, even if it's not exactly the way you'd like.
I'll say it again: He is faithful.
So, when it feels like you couldn't possibly approach Him because you're ashamed to show your face, go to Him anyway. Ignore the lies you tell yourself about your failures and worth and open your Bible. Seek what God says about you. Fill your mind with His words instead of your own.
Okay. Have you done that? Still doesn't feel like anything's changing?
I'm learning to ignore my feelings and try to imitate Him in being faithful even when I don't feel like it. Reading His word every day and talking to Him is a start. It may not seem like it's doing any good in the moment, but the faithfulness pays off. Like a tree, it grows almost invisibly until you become strong and rooted in Him.
Don't let your emotions ruin you. They can be useful, but they shouldn't be in charge. When you fail, instead of giving up, try again. Instead of beating yourself down, tell God about it. And then try again tomorrow.
I'll leave you with God's word. Let's meditate on these verses when we feel like we can't keep going.
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.