When it gets slow at work, I often scroll through articles on my news feed. There are often interesting reads on there. The other day, an article about open marriage caught my eye.
The writer of the article, who is in such an open marriage, told her story on how she and her husband reached the point where they decided they would be happier if they could have other partners. She said that they both wanted it, they were willing to communicate about their experiences, and it helped their relationship grow even stronger. Because neither of them could fulfill all of the other person’s needs. So it was okay to go to other places.
Divorce rates are growing, and some people just give up on marriage, preferring to be free from relationships that tie them down. I mean, who really wants to spend their whole life with one person, right?
I can’t tell you how sad these last few sentences make me. Humanity is slowly losing its desire to commit and the gravity of a promise. People are flippant, even in weddings the vows tend to be funny, not the serious, life-long bond they’re supposed to be.
Let me just tell you here. Marriage is hard.
No matter who your husband is, he will not be able to fulfill your every desire all the time.
No man can do that. He doesn’t exist.
But the last thing that means is that we should throw marriage out the window or bring other people into the sacred covenant that marriage should be.
We live in a world where we have ads screaming at as all day that we deserve this or should have that, even if we can’t afford it. We must have our needs met right away. And not just our needs, but our wants. We are overweight, in debt, emotionally unavailable, selfish. So, so selfish.
How could this feeling of entitlement not drift into our most important relationships? How could we not expect our husbands to be the best ones out there?
Again, let me say that no man out there exists to meet our every need all the time.
Our husbands are most likely the same kind of people we are. They want us to be there for them. They want us to cook, clean, do our wifely duties, never complain, never talk back. I only named five things there. And I couldn’t even do those five things perfectly all the time.
We are not capable of meeting every desire of our husbands either.
Sounds harsh, doesn’t it? No wonder there are so many divorces. No wonder it’s hard to find a guy to spend our lives with.
Let me speak another truth here: Marriage isn’t about being the perfect spouse 100% of the time. Neither of us can live up to the other person’s expectations, and that’s okay.
Only God is perfect, so we don’t even have a chance. Even the most admirable couple will fight, let each other down, go to bed frustrated. But that doesn’t mean we should give up on marriage.
This should be a motivation to love your husband despite his flaws. ‘Cause Lord knows you have flaws.
Love isn’t about the feeling you get in your stomach when you see the other person. It isn’t the fun dates he takes you on. Love is a commitment. Feelings won’t be able to hold up a marriage. They won’t be enough when you’re sick, when you have a bunch of kids and money’s tight, when you both want different things from life.
If you don’t have committed love, your marriage won’t last. You will end up trying to find love from other people, who, by the way, will have the same kind of issues your husband has.
So no, your husband won’t always be who you want him to be. But that’s not what marriage is about. We marry to serve the other person, to give no receive.
I never said it was easy. But it’s the human representation of God’s love for us. God loves us more than we could ever love each other. He sacrificed Himself for us to have eternal life. And that is what marriage is. We have to sacrifice, give up what we want for the other person.
So don’t get married just because your family expects you to. Don’t get married because all your friends are or because you can’t wait to have sex. Take marriage seriously. It’s for life. My husband took so long to propose to me, I was worried that he didn’t want to commit. But in reality, he wanted to make sure that we were ready for a lifelong commitment, and for that I’m so thankful.
This post isn’t to discourage but to shed light on a big lie the world is telling us. We can’t have everything we want. Marriage is about giving, not receiving. If you are ready for it, that’s amazing. But don’t get married for the wrong reasons.