Doubts.
They infest your mind and circle like vultures, never quite landing, but always keeping you in a constant fear of what ifs. What if you fail? What if you waste all your time, and it amounts to nothing? What if you’re terrible?
Doubts suck the life out of you, the love out of you. Doubts are a sin if they keep you from doing what you need to do.
In my world, doubts like to fly by to see how I’m doing. If I’m being too productive, they decide to hover for a bit, just so I lose focus and start wondering why I’m doing what I’m doing. I’ll have a clear picture of what I want to do and how to get there, but when the doubts stop by, I forget everything and question myself. Why am I doing this? Does anyone even care?
Today was a doubtless day. Today I felt like I could conquer the world. I’m strong, energetic. Blessed.
I remember why I write. I write because I love to. Because not writing sounds like a terrible alternative. I would write if nobody ever read it. I’d write for myself, because it makes me feel alive. I love creating things, crafting lives, dreams, stories. I love discovering what a character will do without any help on my part. I love waking up with a new idea, something that I’ve never thought of before but that just might work.
I don’t think I ever feel as rejuvenated than when a new idea hits me like a streak of creative lightning.
I’m so excited to be alive.
I just didn’t want to keep these feelings to myself today. The joy is so great, I wanted to share it with you. Are you passionate about something? Do you have those doubts fly in, draining you of life like the dementors in Harry Potter? Get rid of them. Remember why you love what you do in the first place. Don’t give up, whatever you do. I shiver to think of how empty my life would be without this creative element playing a part in it.
Maybe I’ll never be a best-selling author. Maybe only my family and friends will think I’m cool for writing. But my life will be better, more fulfilling. God gave me a gift that I’m so, so thankful for, and I don’t want to let go of it, no matter how impossible it can seem at times.